UP...

Things are looking up these days in all sorts of ways! We heard the baby's heartbeat yesterday...which was awesome! There's really nothing like it!

Also, we are getting finances for our trip...ie...help from Family! Both sides...mark's and mine. YAY! And, the trip isn't going to cost over $900 now, so, we're pretty excited about that!

Sam's train has been ordered, and we will be going shopping for stocking stuffers soon, too!

UM...I can't fit into my normal clothes anymore...so, I'm now in all Maternity clothes, minus the sweats and such...cause they stretch...YAY for stretching clothes! And, I'm past 12 weeks now. My sickness is gradually going away, too...YAY! Don't get me wrong, I still have my days where I just can't eat anything...but water is GOOD! It's what gets me by!

Well, that's it for now! Hope all is well with you!

A little Update...

Before I go to work today I wanted to update on some things.

We have another Dr Appointment on Wednesday with Dr Mallory. We may even be able to actually HEAR the baby's heartbeat! We are pretty excited about this!! And, Mark gets to go with me, too. Sam will be with Cristel and the kids that day.

After our appointment, Mark and I will be SHOPPING! We are so excited to finally be able to go shopping for our little boy's Christmas gifts! He will be getting a Train Set this year...if we can find a decent priced one. And of course a stocking full of stuff...probably more BOOKS...because he loves those, too! But, as for gifts, that will be it, since this year we are literally SO BROKE!

We've come to the conclusion for the reason of this Brokeness...purchasing the Van. However, since we really use the van a lot, and our car is probably on the last days we will be keeping it and just struggling through being broke. We also have plenty of Credit Card Bills and Medical Bills, as well that are pretty much pulling us down, too! I don't say this to make anyone feel badly for us...I just say it because it's true. We got ourselves into this situation...and we will EVENTUALLY get ourselves out.

BUT...it brings me to my biggest concern to date...Mark and I are not sure we will have the money to travel back to Illinois in January. The price for all three of us is $948.00, which is the cheapest we can get. My parents have agreed to pay a third of that, which is AMAZING! BUT, that still leaves us with like $600.00 or more to pay. We've asked Mark's parents to help, but they can't or just aren't willing...I'm not sure. But, it's just so frustrating to me to not know whether or not we can go. I hate the unknown! I'm sure some sort of Miracle will happen...but, am I really sure???

Well, along with this is another HUGE concern. Mark just last week put in for the time off...but, since his boss also put in for one of the weeks Mark is asking off, he's not even sure they will let him have the time off. AHHHH!!!! This makes me SO MAD! Mark won't be able to take his two weeks paid vacation after the end of January...he will lose it. So, he MUST take it during January...and we will be SO UPSET if he can't get it off. The reason he may not be able to get it off is because there are only 3 PEOPLE who work in Mark's Department because they are reluctant to hire anyone new! If Mark is Gone, and his Boss is Gone, there is only one other person and that person drives the Flat Bed Truck instead of the Box, and they would need another driver... It just makes me furious! Why WON'T they HIRE SOMEONE????? THEY NEED TO!!!!! And since his boss has priority and put his request in first....like a year ago...they will honor Ed's request off and not Mark's...unless it's a miracle and they actually realize that they need to hire someone new!

The other thing that's frustrating is that if we can go back to Illinois Financially...but Mark can't get the second week off...we will miss seeing my Brother, Doug, his wife, Amanda, and my niece, Audrey. And we won't be able to have Christmas with my whole side of the family! I want to spend time with ALL of my family! And it just makes me mad that I may not get to!

UGH! So, please pray for all of these situations if you think about it! Not knowing is what is bugging me so much right now! Pray that I don't get so stressed and worried that it affects the baby! Just pray! Thanks so much!

Friends...

Friends are so very important! Especially when you live so far away from family during the holiday season.

Tonight we had Mom's Night Out. It was, as is always, such a wonderful time of just letting loose and having such a blast chatting the night away...with no judgements of any kind! BTW: We missed you Rachael!!!

But, this is what I always imagined that it would be like when I "Grew Up". I would actually have a core group of people that I could rely on and tell anything to, or as I call it: be an open book to! I want to just be myself and do my thing with friends...and this group of friends that I have are so amazing...and that includes you Rachael, just in case you were wondering...just cause you weren't there, doesn't mean you're not included...we truly did miss you!

When I moved out here to Bellingham with my 3 month old son and my husband in January 07 I knew I would NEVER be happy if I didn't make friends, other than Paul and Mindy. God has TRULY, TRULY BLESSED me with TONS of friends and I am so, so, so, so thankful. I really don't think I could survive without them. They keep me sane and stable and they make me want to live life to the fullest and not crash and burn!

I say all of this because when I grew up I never had friends like this...ever! I was the one always getting picked on, always being made fun of, always going home after school and crying my eyes out until I literally had NO MORE tears! The thing was...I didn't have anything wrong with me...I wasn't ugly, I didn't have glasses, I wore semi nice clothes, I was actually pretty thin, too. I was never fat. BUT, since my eyes were bigger than they thought they should be, then they made fun of me and my last name(Briggs). I guess they had to come up with something, right? But, this has ALWAYS tormented me...ALWAYS! I still look back and get so upset at those people...and the thing about that is that some of those people are "My So Called Friends" on Myspace...and Facebook. And, I've been so very tempted to just send them emails or messages telling them how bad they hurt me. But, I'm bigger than that. And, I won't do it. I won't lower myself to that.

ANYWHO...I have come A LONG way to being the Loser of school, who no one ever liked, to being a Popular Girl in the Moms Group...it's just so wierd how life works. Didn't Jesus say something about the first shall be last and the last shall be first.

I have worked so hard to be where I am in life. To have wonderful friends who I can most always count on for anything: be it a night out away from the hubby and kids to a plate of cookies because I'm not feeling well, or a friend to come over and watch the kids because I'm in the bathroom getting sick because of a Migraine. I am TRULY BLESSED and Thank GOD for ALL OF IT!!!

What are you thankful for???

Doctor today...

Today was such a great day. I woke up, actually got to take a shower...YIPPEE! And actually got to get dressed in peace without the lil one in my space the whole time...yippee for that one, too! Mark was home and dealt with Sam (got him dressed, bag packed for the day, etc) and himself ready...all I had to do was get myself ready! YAY!

Today we took Sam over to our friend Sarah and Steve's home...and Thomas, Lliam, Katie, and Nick's, too, of course...hehe! After dropping him off there, Mark and I went to Dr Mallory's office for our first appointment for pregnancy.

I was truly expecting Dr Mallory to be all bent out of shape because he gave us three options about the fibroid the last we talked...and here I am pregnant and haven't done anything about the fibroid tumor. BUT...he's the NICEST guy! He congratulated Mark and I and didn't seemed worried or concerned at all about the fibroid. All he said was that it looked as though we never did anything about that fibroid. But, it was casual and it didn't seem to bother him. I was VERY impressed yet again with him today.

The nurse was awesome too, today! She explained everything that was going to take place and everything I need to know about pregnancy, not that I really need to know a whole lot, having already gone through this before...but, refreshers are nice after all!

We went into the exam/ultrasound room. They did a pelvic exam. And then they did an ultrasound. They took many pictures of the baby. The baby wasn't moving, but we could see the heartbeat. I asked the Dr about this and he wasn't concerned, he just said that the baby was in a sleep mode at that moment and that as long as we could see the heartbeat and get a good reading on the rate of the heart, then everything was normal. I don't remember the rate, but he said that it was normal and very good for a baby in gestation that size. He measured the baby head to toe, and said that I'm only 7 weeks 4 days along, instead of what we originally thought which is 8 weeks 3 days according to last period and such.

He prescribed Prenatal Vitamins, and much to our surprise if you go to Haggan to get them filled they are FREE! Mark and I were a little bit concerned about how we were going to pay for them, too, so, we are so stoked about FREE Prenatal Vitamins!! YAY for that!!!! He also gave me suggestions about what to take for nausea, and we went to Walmart and got some Ginger tablets. I'm so hoping that it will help...cause I'm really not sure how much more of this I can take!

Mark and I were so happy that this appointment went so very well. We both were in AWE, yet again, of what our WONDERFUL GOD can do. There is a TINY, TINY baby inside my body and God did it. How can we say that this is not a baby, and just abort it??? I have living proof inside my body that says that it is a living breathing being...with the heartbeat pounding and everything. How awesome is our God??? SERIOUSLY!

We ran MANY errands today, too. Besides Walmart and Haggen we went to Olive Garden for sort of a celebritory lunch. It was really great to have Sarah and Steve watch Sam today so that we could spend some time together. We don't get much time together these days...so every little moment we can steal away is such a great moment! We also went to Blockbuster and rented a few movies. YAY movies! And then Mark dropped me off at home and he went to get Sam from Sarah and Steve's home. When they got back Sam had his hair cut...and I LOVE IT! I love it when I can just drop him off somewhere and his hair is cut when he gets back! LOVE IT! LOVE IT! LOVE IT!

Thanks so very much Sarah and Steve! You guys made this such a great day!

Please still be in prayer for our little family. Pray that the pregnancy continues to go well and that this fibroid will just disolve instead of grow(which the Dr said Could actually happen)! And pray that the sonagram in 2 weeks will go well, as well as the Dr Appointment in 4 weeks. We are so very, VERY blessed to have our Samuel and SO EXTREMELY BLESSED to say officially that we have another one on the way! Thanks so much for all your thoughts and prayers thus far and for your continued thoughts and Prayers!

Be BLESSED!

2 Years Old...

My son is 2!!! How can this be??? It's so overwhelming to me to think about how much my little boy has grown and changed and continues to change from the time he was out of the womb. Yes, Yes, he is probably THE ONRIEST boy you will ever meet...but he is precious to me, even though he is a tough one to handle at times.

After all that I went through during my pregnancy, it was so worth it to finally see my little man we call Samuel. He is so amazing to me. He was so little, 7 lbs, 14 oz. and 21 inches long. I had a C-Section, and it didn't really go well, but, all I knew was that something had been removed from my stomach because I could breathe again and then I heard the sweet, sweet cry of my baby. And I asked if that was Samuel. And everyone all around us kept saying Congratulations, you have a beautiful baby boy. He had such Blonde hair and blue eyes. He was just so little and so helpless...I felt so needed at that moment.

Samuel didn't really make the normal "milestones" like his friends did, well at the times the "Books" say he would. He didn't crawl or walk when he was "supposed" to and I was so worried and a little bit frustrated about the whole thing. He finally began crawling, and was in to everything...so I thought. Then he began walking, after his first birthday and then he was TRULY in to everything! We can't stop him from getting into everything! HA!

While Sam and I were gone Mark cleaned out Sam's room. Sam finally has his own space. It's just so amazing. I love his little room, and I really think he loves it, too. I'm so excited for this milestone of his, to gain more independence and spend more time in his own room. This kid LOVES books! He just will sit for at least 20 minutes at a time and flip through pages of books. He also LOVES when we read to him. He especially LOVES the Dr. Seuss books. This is just so exciting to me because neither Mark nor I love books. I will read them on occasion, but I can't just sit and read because in my mind, there is just to much else to do...but, Sam loves to just sit and flip through books. Yes, this may change, but for now, I'm going to bask in the knowledge that my son loves books.

He also LOVES trains. He loves playing with them and loves watching Thomas the Train on PBS Sprout On Demand. He is a true boy, that's for sure! He loves to jump, and climb and rough house!

I'm In Love with this little boy that Mark and I named Samuel Allen Moore! He truly Amazes me Daily! I never thought this love would get any stronger from the moment he was born, but it definitely has and I'm so very blessed that God put this little boy in our lives. He's precious!

Be Blessed!

Home Sweet Home...

YAY...we are here! Sam and I did have a better plane ride on the way home than there...thank the LORD!! Although Sam did scream and cry and throw a total and utter tantrum for the first full hour of the trip...it was still MUCH better than the previous experience. We lucked out and the plane was not a full one...so, we had a seat next to us that was vacant that Sam could use...YAY for that. So, I did NOT have to hold him or even try to hold him the whole flight through! Another praise!

I'm SO Very Glad to be home back with my wonderful husband! I love him so much and I missed him TONS! While we were gone he cleaned out Sam's room and made it Sam's room. This sounds funny to say...but Sam has Never really had his own room...so, finally he cleaned the room we called Sam's out so it can actually be Sam's! Haha! But, he did a really great job with it. I was pretty impressed.

However, what comes out of the Junk room has to go somewhere...so, the rest of our apartment looks a TOTAL mess right now. But, Oh well...at least Sam has his own room now and at least Mark and I won't have to be woke up early in the mornings by our lil man who thinks we ought to be up since he's up... ;)

So, for the news of the Century...Mark and I have begun trying for another little one since arriving home! We are thrilled about this and are so excited to find out if we are pregnant in the next month or so! The last time it only took one try and we were pregnant...so, here's hoping that happens again! My stomach has been cramping a whole lot today...so, there is a chance that's the reason...because that's what happened the last time as well. Well...only God knows. And, for that I'm thankful!

I'm working right now so I'd better get going! Hope to see some of you soon. And for those I just saw in Illinois...it was Truly Awesome spending time with you!

Love and Many, Many Blessings to All!

Last Call for Seattle...

It's been a while since my last blog update. We arrived safely to Illinois a week ago today. Boy was that NOT a pleasant flight! Sam did absolutely HORRIBLE! It's still a little bit painful to think about...so, I won't bore anyone with details(running and hitting and screaming were all involved!!!! Let's leave it at that for now!).

Let's just say this really HAS NOT been a vacation at all! I don't know why I do this to myself, I really don't! It's truly been great getting to see everyone and to visit them for the short amount of time that I've had with them thus far. And, I'm really looking forward to just a few more things, as well...

Tomorrow is a long day...
Sam and I will be going out to eat at the Cracker Barrel for lunch with the In-laws(Mark's parents), who always like to take us out to eat while we are here...which is good, except that Sam really doesn't ever do well in restaurants!! (JUST ASK MY TWO YOUNGER BROTHERS AND MY SISTER MELISSA...previous days during this visit!)

Then, Noah, a dear friend of my Husband and myself asked me to join him for coffee sometime tomorrow before 4pm. I'm excited about this! I love coffee and I love Noah! I always tease my husband and tell him I'm going out on a date with his best friend...just to get some reaction! Luckily Mark doesn't care...he loves Noah and thinks it's awesome that we can hang out while we are here.

Unfortunately, though, the Inlaws want Sam and I to go to our former church right after lunch and visit with the pastors and such there so they can see how much Sam has grown. I just hate this because my time here is TOO precious and short that I really need to stick with just close friends and family...but, they don't understand this concept very well! And, it drives me NUTS!

Vacation this has NOT been, that's for sure! I'm a little dissappointed with this whole trip, to tell you the truth. It's gone WAY TOO FAST and I haven't done NEARLY as much as I would have liked to. I'm so thankful, though, that I got to spend precious time with my Melissa and Amanda(aka: Mookie)! They are the BEST sisters EVER!!! (and when I say sisters, I mean sister-in-laws, but, truly they are my sisters!!!) I love hanging out with them! GIRL TIME!! Too bad it's only ONE day of Bliss without the kiddos, though!

When Sam was younger I used to be able to sleep in more, too...i.e. my mom would come in and take him when he woke up so I could sleep in. She no longer does this. I'm not really sure why, either. It actually bothers me a little bit, because after all I paid all this money and had a horrible flight out here only to be woken up early on my freakin days off! It truly SUCKS! I'm not going to lie.

Thursday the fam (mom, dad, my bro steve, sam, and myself) will be on the journey down to see Nick, Melissa, and Chaya who live in Casey, IL...about 1 1/2 hours away from here. I'm truly excited about this! I really can't wait to spend some more time with the family! Road trips are great...but, Sam is not so good on road trips....so, I'm a lil leary of that! But, I get to see Nick and Melissa's new home...I'm so super excited about that! And, I get to see my little niece, Chaya, again, too...who will be turning ONE on the 2nd of October, two days before Sam turns TWO! I can't wait to let them play together this last time before going back to Bellingham.

Then, Friday we journey back to St Louis again so that Sam and I can make our flight back to Seattle. Sad, Sad, Sad times. The next time we will be traveling back here will be in January if all goes well. And, then Sam will have his own seat...finally! And, Mark will be joining me in controlling the wild child we have named Samuel!

I really am trying to enjoy the time left that we have here...but, it's so hard when in my gut I know it's going to end soon and I won't have done everything I've wanted to!

I'm sad because...

I really wanted one on one time with my mom...deep conversations and such...and it truly hasn't happened because of her never ending busy schedule! IT SUCKS!

I really wanted some time with my dad, too! I don't get much of this when I'm here...and it really sucks that I may not get this time with him...going on some sort of daughter dad date thing! I love that kind of thing with my dad!

I really wanted more time with my older brother, Doug, too! I only got to see him one evening besides the evening he picked us up from the airport! I'm really sad about this because we used to be really close, we could talk about anything...and now I don't see him often enough and it bothers me that I only get to see him those two times...and they've come and gone already!

I also feel as though I haven't had any ALONE time while being on this So called Vacation besides an hour and a half of shopping at Super Walmart while Sam was sleeping at home(all while Nana and Papa were there, of course). How is this a vacation when I haven't had time to myself and I've still been chasing after my son NON STOP! I seriously feel MORE stressed now than when I left Washington! I'm so sad!

Anyhow...although I'm sad...there were good parts, too! But, those will have to wait for another day! It's late, I'm tired and I'm headed for bed! Goodnight Moon! ;)

Feeling Sick...AGAIN!

AHHH! Will this sickness NEVER end??? Last weekend about this time I was feeling like I was getting a cold. And, I thought it had passed. Well, today I wake up and my throat is sore...AGAIN! It's so very frustrating.

Sam's nose is a little runny, too. And, poor little guy, he's cutting all four of his K9 teeth, too...so, he's pretty miserable, too. I hate seeing him this way. He's been such a grouch all week...and I'm tired of the tantrums he throws...but, can you blame him? I think I would throw tantrums too if I didn't feel that great due to teeth cutting.

On another note of pain...My teeth have been really bothering me lately, too. ARGH!!! I've been given a few Dentist's names...thanks to my Mom's Group Buddies. Isn't it nice to have a moms group that loves and cares so much to offer that kind of info!

And...our flight is Tuesday...it's coming so soon. Please be in prayer for Sam and I to get to feeling better so that neither of us get sick on the plane...and that the plane ride will be enjoyable, too...i.e...Sam doesn't want to get up and run around or cry and scream and throw a tantrum! Been there done that...and it's SO not pleasant! I'd rather not go through it again! Pray that we both will be calm and that we both will just fall asleep and have a pleasant trip.

Also...keep my brother in your prayers, as well. First off...he's Given up the drugs and alcohol and the friends that go with it. I'm SO proud of him...TRULY! He's trying to get his life in order...and this semester he is taking two classes at the local Community College. I'm so proud of him for that, too! But, Secondly....he's recently become pretty sick with some sort of viral infection...he went to the ER and they didn't do much because he doesn't have insurance. So, please pray that he can and will get better because it's so costly to go back to the Dr. We will be staying with him and my parents when we get to Decatur...so, I would totally LOVE to see him get so much better by then! I love my brother, but I don't want us to get sick...AGAIN! I don't think I could handle it...seriously...I'm so frustrated by being sick all the time!

Well...Sorry for another rambling session! I hope all is well! Blessings!

Keeping up...

So, maybe it's just me...but, I feel like I haven't been keeping up with things as well as I could lately. I would have thought that since I went down to just two days a week at work that I would be able to do so much more than what I have been doing.

I feel stressed even now about life...and I don't really know why. Maybe it's just that for so long I was working so many more days and felt like now that I'm not I can just relax more and take it easy more. But, I feel like I'm letting people down with the Mom's Group. BUT...I'm tired. It feels like I'm Always so tired.

Maybe I need to get my Chronic Fatigue Syndrome checked out again! When I was younger I had Mono twice and thus was diagnosed with this Syndrome that makes your whole system be out of whack. So, you feel tired all the time. And since I'm working an overnight once a week, I've been feeling even more tired and worn out.

I'm happy that I am more available in case someone needs something...but it's ridiculous that I'm not getting out and doing more things with my Mommy friends in this group I started.

Am I just making excuses??? I don't know. Is this an excuse:
I have been more busy lately with Dr's visits and such since we've been wanting to try again for another baby soon.

But, I don't feel like that's an excuse either. I'm sick of being tired...and not having the energy that I would really enjoy having in order to go out and have playdates with my friends and their kiddos. I just hope that they aren't mad at me for not being at every one like I should be.

I'm really glad that I'm going on vacation soon...although, that doesn't really mean vacation...flying with my son isn't fun at all...and being around family is fun...but sometimes can be too much. It's not just like we are taking off and going to the beach or something...but, it will still be SO nice to see everyone and have a break from life here for a while. I hope that it will rejuvenate me so that I can do more!

I'm not even sure that any of the above makes any kind of sense...I'm still sick and kind of foggy in the brain right now...so, sorry for that.

Have a wonderful weekend!

Sick, yet still working a 15 hour shift.

Today I woke up not feeling so hot. I had a fever and was sweating profusely! I decided to up and go to Walmart with Samuel to get some medicine for my cold and fever. So, I did.

Pretty much while at Walmart I was sweating the whole time because of fever and cold. People probably thought I was a drug addict or something coming off of them. UGH!

I checked out, went home, called my work and no answer. So, I texted a boss and she called me back. I pretty much still need to go to work...even though I'm sick.

It sucks, but what do you do??? So, I'm here, at work feeling like crap. But, at least I get well over minimum wage for working my job...so, it's pretty much worth it, I guess! Besides, we need the money so badly right now.

On another quick few notes right now...

1) My friend Juliana had her baby two days ago...he was 7 lbs, and 20 inches long, and his name is Aidan. I'm so very THRILLED for her and I sure can't wait to see him...after this cold passes!

2) I had a REALLY FUN time last night with Cristel and Amanda! We had a very small girls night out...it was truly an awesome time and I LOVE those girls! We went to Olive Garden and then to see a REALLY stupid movie...Tropic Thunder...but, it was funny at least.

3) Sam and I will be flying out of SeaTac Airport on the 16th of this month...which is only in TEN days...I'm beginning to get so very nervous! Flying with a toddler is NOT fun...and I have experience with this...Trust me...it's not fun, especially since he more than likely will NOT have his own seat. BUT...I'm so EXCITED to see my whole Family! They are everything to me!

Um, yeah...that pretty much sums it up! Until next time...

You are GOD, My Savior!

Today was beautiful and gorgeous and just perfect "Fall" weather! As I was enjoying the weather and working...I was just so blessed! GOD IS GOOD! GOD IS WONDERFUL!

What an awesome thing God has done for my life! If you all don't know my PERSONAL testimony...you are in for it now! This may be a long blog..so, if you don't want to read it...then shew go away! But, if you don't mind my ramblings and longness...then by all means...here you go!

I grew up in a Semi-Christian home...meaning my mom was Christian(not always, though) and my dad struggled IMMENSELY with God and his spiritual life...and never went to church but on the rare occasion of Easter or Christmas to see us all in our plays and such. So, I knew right from wrong and I knew who God was and what He was all about. I asked Him into my life when I was 12 years old. I did really well...well, except for the occasional beat down of my siblings, you know...you gotta do that sometimes, right?? hehe. Anyhow...I was good at following God and doing what He wanted me to do pretty regularly. At this time in my life I also accepted a call into Mission work. I didn't know exactly what that meant, though...I'd always heard about people being missionarys and going to foreign lands and such...but, I didn't know what it meant to me.

Well...I had three really great influences in my life at this time and this is why I did really well with my relationship with God. Pastor Calvin Campbell (who was pretty much my dad at this time, because my dad, although he was in the picture, was not ever there for me) was one of the BIGGEST influences ever at this time. My mom and my Grandma Walden were also very huge Godly influences and strong women in my life. Well, later on...I don't remember the exact year...I'm sure my mom could tell you, though...Pastor Campbell died suddenly in his sleep due to heart conditions. Everyone in my family were devastated! I was never the same.

Pastor Campbell meant everything to me...and suddenly my GOD took him away from me...so, why follow HIM??? That's what I thought. It was a downward...seriously, downward spiral from there. I began looking for ways out by joining a different crowd at school than previously, although I was NEVER popular, NEVER... But, I was never with the bad crowd before either. But, suddenly I found myself in a deep depression and in the worst crowd you'd ever meet. I got into my first relationship. I dated this guy for 8 months exclusively and found myself being hurt over and over again...he raped me. I thought he was my boyfriend...how could someone that close to you do that to you??? Seriously??? Then, it just didn't matter anymore...my virginity was already taken...so, I didn't care...I slept with him anyway. I was just in a horrible state of mind at this time in my life.

Then...the relationship ended when I finally told my mother that he had raped me. She made me end it...and it was NOT pretty. Of course nothing could have been proven...but, she at least made me end it with him and never see or speak to him again. That was really hard.

This was not the only thing that had started in my life either...I was smoking, drinking, cursing like a sailor...BUT...I would never go near the actual drugs. It was offered PLENTY of times...but, I declined, thankfully. There is a story behind this, too...no details, except that I had seen my brother go through the drug phase and did not want to experience any of it! So I found another way...

Then I found that sex was a way out. So, I was permiscuous...if that's how you spell it? And...no, I didn't just sleep with any random guy...I had to have some sort of relationship with them first. This is how bad it was...I knew this guy, got to know him pretty well through him being my brother's boyscout leader...I thought he was cute. He thought I was cute, so we ended up doing things we shouldn't have. That was the LAST time I ever did that again, though! Well...that is until...

I met him...I met this guy: no names for fear that some may know him. We went to church together. We dated for a really long time...and all through out we were having sex. We were really serious. We were even contimplating marriage. Then, he cheated on me. I was again very devastated. We both agreed to end it.

I then dated another guy for about 6 weeks and decided that he was TOTALLY not what I was looking for. At this point in my life I was sick and tired. I was so sick and tired of playing the Mask game: going to church and putting on this front like I was such a great person and did nothing wrong...when I definitely knew better! I remember distinctly the moment in time that I asked Christ Back into my life and for HIM to take this all away: my family were on our way home from church and the sermon MUST have been good, cause right in that car I prayed like no other! I confessed everything to my GOD! I also asked HIM NOT to bring another boy into my life unless it was THE one that He had for me! I didn't want any relationships until I found THE one.

While dating the previous guy for six weeks...I met Mark at a wedding of a mutual friend. I danced with him Cheek to cheek. And that was it. Mark was also dating someone else at the time. We parted and went our separate ways. I then broke up with the guy of six weeks. A week later prayed this prayer.

A month or two passes...I go back to college (community college). I meet Mark again. We talked for a while. We passed each other in the hallway. He helped me with my homework, even though we weren't in the same classes. BUT...I remembered my commitment to GOD. I would NOT date until I knew it was right. We became really great friends. We did a lot together. I even began going to church with him. Then...he told me that he wanted to be more than friends. I told him I didn't. I wasn't interested in any serious relationship. He was okay with that. I went home that night and prayed about this. I had to give this a little time before I could go any further with the relationship with Mark. I wanted to take it slowly. During a weeks time period...we spent more time together, Mark and I. I felt a tugging on my heart so often during this week. I prayed some more and God told me that I was meant for this man. That Mark was to be my husband. I then told Mark that we could be more than friends. We kissed. Then as Mark was leaving to go home...I walked him out to the car...he turned some music on and we danced in the streetlights cheek to cheek.

I continued to go to church with Mark. Eventually becoming a Sunday School teacher for preschoolers...then Nursery worker. I then sang in the choir with Mark. Mark and my relationship was built on Christ. We prayed together. We did devotions together. We did things with mutual Christian friends...including Pastor Paul and Mindy. We grew together as a couple.

My relationship was stronger than it had ever been before and I truly owe it to God. Mark proposed. I, of course, said yes. 9 months later we were married. We went to Greenville to go to college. We didn't start college until a year later. We worked to save and build our savings up. We both started College. I finished my degree three years later...was 5 months pregnant with our first child. My degree is in Urban-Cross Cultural Ministries...and a minor in Sociology. Mark did not finish.

While we were in Decatur, where we met, before getting married...we became really great friends with Paul and Mindy. We later went and attended GC. In my last year there, Paul and Mindy asked us if we wanted to participate in a Ministry Opportunity with them...with no guarantees of anything. They didn't know where they were going...they just knew of a few places that needed Pastors. They weren't really even seeking anything out...they were just praying and asking God what was next, if anything. While they were on vacation out here (in WA) they came to the Bellingham church and Paul preached and met with the board. They prayed about it...God told them it was right... Then they asked us to join with them in the ministry here. Mark said Okay right away. I didn't want to go and be away from my family. I gave it plenty of time and prayerfully considered it as an option. God convinced me that it was the right thing to do...over quite a bit of time...a few months maybe. I agreed to follow God's path and venture out here.

We had Samuel before coming out due to the complications of my pregnancy...we didn't get to physically move with Paul and Mindy...but, eventually 3 months after Sam was born we moved.

We are HERE in the great State of Washington serving the LORD with all of our might. I will tell you, though, that I am not the most perfect person you will ever meet. I'm not the most righteous or holier than thou person, either. I am a plain and simple Miracle of GOD. So many times I could have gotten pregnant or diseases or could have died. So many times GOD saved me from all of that sin! I still struggle with sin...just not the same sin...it's more selfish and attitudes sin than anything. I do not smoke...and I really don't drink(except on the one occasion a month that I'm out with the gals). I will not lie to you and say that I'm perfect. God is still working on me!

But, today as I was driving around in this gorgeous weather I was thinking about how Blessed I really am. I have come SO far and WILL NEVER go back to what I used to be. Thank the LORD MY GOD for that! So, yes...God...YOU ARE GOD, MY SAVIOR...and I will trust in you all day long...

Be BLESSED!

Decisions.

These are just a few recent pictures of our Very cute 1st Miracle Baby!! God provided for us once...he can COMPLETELY do it again...look at the very cute proof we have below! GOD IS AMAZING! I definitely see God every day in this little boy He has allowed us to have! Enjoy reading our very long Blog below for details concerning my recent Dr. Appointment! Blessings!

While at Dr Mallory's office the other day he gave us 4 options:

1.) To take Lupron or Depo to put me in a semi menapausal stage to where I wouldn't feel the fibroid dissolving because of the lower amount of hormones. This would be over a period of at LEAST 6 months to do. It would be the safest way to get rid of it and less painful, however, 6 months is too long.

2.) To do a procedure that involves a Cathederization in my leg that would lead to the blood vessels and veins that lead to the tumor itself, inject something in it so that it kills it off. This Procedure would be VERYpainful because it would make something in my body die pretty quickly and I would be in so much pain...like 10 times worse than normal regular cramps (that are already pretty painful due to the fibroid). Also, this is somewhat of an invasive surgery, and my body does not do well in surgery...meaning I'm usually allergic to the medicines during surgery.

3.) Full Out Open Surgery...which he said was NOT an option before. But, since he just did a surgery like the one he's hoping to do on me he feels more confident that I will still be able to have more children...however it would be VERY RISKY. Explaination: My tumor is on the inner uterine wall...which means that he would have to cut through my already existing scar from my C-section, then go through my uterus and cut the fibroid out of the other side of my uterus. This means that when I do conceive another child...which would be way after a FULL recovery from surgery...that the pregnancy would be really high risk because I would not be able to carry a baby to full term from fear of my uterus bursting because it would be vulnerable on either side of it from the scar tissue and such from the surgery. So, they would take me in for another C-section at anywhere from 36-38 weeks due to the risk of my uterus getting too big and bursting, then in return risking the life of myself and my unborn child. Then we would have a preemie on our hands, since a full term pregnancy is 40 weeks. Not that I would mind a preemie...but, I want everyone to be healthy and preemies are high risk for so many things, as well!

Then last but not least...I asked Dr Mallory point blank what would happen if Mark and I just went ahead and got pregnant without removing the tumor. He said that chances are pretty good that we will have another healthy baby in the end...although, he said that it may end up growing too big again and cause me to still have the same problems that I did when I had Samuel (preterm labor at 20 weeks). Although I really didn't like going through the things I went through when I was pregnant with Samuel...things have changed slightly. During the time I had preterm labor, I was severely dehydrated and VERY stressed out because we were moving and I had just graduated from College. When in the hospital that Memorial Day weekend after we had already moved our things to Decatur only hoping to stay for another few days and then move out here they told me that Stress and Dehydration can also cause the Preterm labor on top of the Fibroid. SO...with that said...my life has changed. It's a normal every day life with a toddler. Although at times it can be stressful, the stress will NEVER compare to that time period. And, since we are not moving and not planning on moving for at least another year out of our apartment and into something bigger...if not longer...that is not a stress. And since I'm not in school now worrying about getting things done so that I can graduate, that's not a worry any longer either. AND...since I'm NOT living in the great state of Illinois any longer, where it is very hot and humid to where you get out of the shower and you are still sweaty...then dehydration is not an issue either...I will make sure of that!

Mark and I have talked it over in great detail and have chosen the fourth option. It is the very best for us. Although this pregnancy will be difficult and possibly painful...we feel that it is the best choice. I have already gone through it once, so I know what to expect and now that we have made the Dr aware of our situation I will be high risk and we know what to look for and what to do in the same situations as before. After I have all the children I'm going to have, we will then choose to have it removed. I will end up having another C-section especially since the tumor will more than likely grow again and be in the way of the baby dropping again...but, I've already had one, so I know what to expect.

Although we have chosen to go ahead and get pregnant, we will be waiting until Samuel and I come back from our trip from IL in September. I don't want to be nauseated on the plane and chasing after a toddler as well...that equals MADNESS! So, we will be waiting.

What you can do:
Pray for us in this process. Pray that we are making the right decisions in this. PRAY PRAY PRAY! I only want what is best for us and if God IS NOT in this process...then we shouldn't be doing it! So, please be praying for us as we will also be praying we are making the right decisions!

Thanks so much to all of you (SO SORRY THIS WAS A VERY LONG BOOK TO READ!!! :) )

Appointment Today...

Today is what I am hoping is my final appointment before Mark and I can start trying for another little one. I've done all the tests the Dr's have wanted me to and they have all come back fairly normal. My cholesterol was slightly elevated, but they said it wasn't worrisome. Also, my fibroid has shrunk down to half the size it was when I had my C-section with Samuel.

I'm a little bit nervous and yet excited about this appointment. It could mean that tonight we can start trying to conceive Sam's brother or sister, or it could mean an invasive procedure to try and shrink the fibroid which will be not only invasive, but also painful.

If any of you read this before 11am this morning please be praying for me and that the appointment will be what God intended it to be. Whatever the outcome of the appointment, I want God to be in the middle of it! And hopefully the next appointment I have with Dr mallory will be because I'm pregnant. But, God needs to be in ALL of this.

I will update later about the appointment and the outcome. Thanks so much for the prayers and thoughts!! I appreciate all of them!

A long week...

It truly has been a long week. Here's the lowdown:
Monday I worked a WHOLE day...which means I stayed until 11:30pm...and was there from 10:30am. I was tired.

Tuesday I felt myself getting sick...throat was sore. I skipped out on Playgroup. Sorry ladies...I just don't want to get anyone sick.

Wednesday I watched a friend's child for a few hours then started getting really sick with a Migraine that WOULD NOT go away...I threw up 7 times and finally went to sleep. Luckily I have friends who came over and watched my son and the other lil guy I was watching until my hubby got home and then later my friend's hubby came to pick up their child. I was so miserable that I decided it was time to make a Dr appt. Too bad they couldn't get me in the same day...oh well, I went in the next morning. I was able to get a few bites of toast down that evening.

Thursday I went for the Dr appt. They formally diagnosed me with having Migraine headaches. Gave me some great meds that really make me tired...but, really do make the headaches go away. They wanted to give me a shot...but, I HATE needles so I refused it. I have to take 2 Aleves and a prescription drug every time I feel a headache coming on.

Friday I went over to a friends and sat with her twin 2 years old boys. Luckily they were napping the whole time...but, Sam had a great time playing with their trains while we were there. Then that afternoon I made a huge dinner for our family and the Holgates all from Scratch...seriously! I'm pretty proud of myself. I love cooking...so, when I have the chance to do it for more than just my family...I'm totally doing it! LOVE TO COOK! We then went over to their home and ate and watched a few episodes of Lost...which I'm totally LOST on...HAHA!! I love that show, though!

And today (Saturday), Oh my what a long day! Went to Old Navy for their $12 jean special...met up with some of my Mommy friends there. Then went home...made my hubby try his jeans on...they FIT! YAY! Then, I ate a lil something...then a friend came over with her kiddo and we went Blueberry Picking at Boxx Berry Farm. But...berry picking with lil guys is not really that fun! I think next time I'm leaving him with his daddy!!!! Then I went home for a little while again. Before long we left again and went out to the Radke's a family from church. They had a BBQ night for those who lead worship in the church and their fams. So...that was actually really relaxing and fun. Then...I had to leave to come to work. I'm tired.

Anyhow...That's been my week. I know it doesn't sound like a whole lot of anything...but, I feel tired and worn out from it...probably because I was really sick! Thank the LORD that I'm feeling better!

Love to all!!

Fibroids and My New Schedule...

So, this week I've started my new schedule...which is only working Mondays(all day) and a Saturday overnight. I can absolutely say that I'm in love with this wonderful schedule! It's only 5 hours less per week than before, and it allows me to be home with my son more and to be more available to my husband, household and Moms group! So far so good with having LOTS of time with my son and husband. And, so far so good with having time for my Moms group, although I couldn't make it today to a playdate due to an appointment with the Ultrasound Machine at Mt baker imaging! I feel badly about that.

But...it brings me to my news from my ultrasound:
It has shrunk down by half. It was 8 cm in diameter when I had my C-section...as I was on display during my C-section as they were showing everyone around how I had a really huge Fibroid Tumor. Anyhow...today brought some good news...the fibroid has shrunk down to now only being 4.05 cm in diameter...which is great! The ultrasound tech, although not a DR, said that the Dr should tell me that it is okay for me to go ahead and get pregnant again...and just be on the High Risk Pregnancy list, if there is one. She said that it should be basically like the last pregnancy...and of course I will have to have another C-Section because of it.

But, YAY! I'm pretty stoked about these results! I just now have to go and still do the other Ultrasound for my breast, which is scheduled for next Thursday. And then Wednesday I go to my primary care Dr...and he will probably send me for a Colonoscopy...NOT FUN, I've heard! So...after those two things and then my next OBGYN appointment on the 29th...I hope to GOD that I will be great to start Planning anothe Pregnancy! I can't wait to feel another little one moving around in my tummy...that HAS TO BE the BEST FEELING IN THE WORLD! LOVE IT!

Oh..and a little side note...Yesterday Sam and I went to Bellis Fair to see the Family Fun Movie that is free...Oh my goodness...please don't take a toddler to a movie. He was good for about 20 minutes...then got whiny and started running up and down the isles. I even went and purchased a soda and popcorn for us after he got cranky thinking it would settle him down... It did for all of 5 minutes. So, we went out in the hallway of the theatre and he just ran the halls. We had met another fellow mom from the moms group...and her little one did okay, better than Sam did...but, we both agreed that we needed to leave at intermission. So, we did...then I went shopping and walked around the mall! I got new shoes...and so did Samuel...YAY! Anywho...my point is...don't take a toddler to see a movie in the theatre and expect him to sit and watch the whole time! It doesn't work...at least for me it didn't!

Alrighty then...see you later! Enjoy my blog!

Blessed with a WONDERFUL OBGYN!

BEWARE: IF YOU DON'T WANT TO READ ABOUT MY EXPERIENCE AT THE OBGYN OFFICE...GO AWAY NOW!

I just wanted to post about my experience today at Dr. Mallory's office (Bellingham OBGYN). First off...I LOVE THIS DR! I've never had a more down to earth, compassionate and caring OB Dr. before! And...I've had my fair share...even in the ONE pregnancy that I had. I've seen many a Dr before...and Dr Mallory is by far the BEST one I've ever met!

He actually sat down in the exam room and took the time (not even kidding...20minutes at least!!) with me FULLY Clothed...which is not normal from my experience! He just talk with me about my past pregnancy, about my body now and the conditions I have. He really cared about the care I received.

Then...comes the fun part...Undress please!!!
AT LEAST...at this office they actually have the robes...although the back is open...at least the robes are there to use! The robes were there along with the papertowel like blanket thing. So, you are sitting there naked, fully covered. Then in walks the Dr. and the nurse...they ask you to lie down and move your butt forward...and incoming!!!! haha! I hate pap exams... Nothing like a Cold Metal thing going somewhere the sun doesn't shine!!! And then the brush that they use to retrieve the samples they need! AHH! It's uncomfortable and rather painful at times!

OH...then the Dr pulls the metal part out and then sticks his fingers in there to feel around for my fibroid! WOW...That's a little akward....I felt like saying... I only just met you 25 minutes ago and you've already made it to 3rd base! Rather forward, don't you think?? Well...he was doing his job...

OKAY...so, this is a funny thing really quick though...and Melissa, darling, you will definitely appreciate this:
While checking my "Area" out...Dr Mallory said this to me: WOW...your Mucas is Really great!

WHAT THE HELL?????? How does one respond to that???? I just laughed and laughed...and said...Um, Thanks, I think? He said that he wasn't joking and that if I were to go into a fertility clinic and have them examine me that I would be the envy of all...that's just so crazy to me!

What a funny guy that Dr. Mallory is!

BUT...NO, I can't just go and get pregnant right away, though. He wants me to get an ultrasound done on my fibroid to see what size it is, if it's gone down since having Sam or if it's still the sam size...which was the size of a fist when I had him. He says if it's still the same size, then he will do a precedure that will fill my uterus up with some gell type stuff and it will make the fibroid die. But, he says he cannot surgically remove it because it's in a spot where he would basically have to cut my uterus open like a C-section again...but then go through onto the other side(Inner side) and cut that open, as well...and then I would definitely not be able to have any more children. It would be like having two C-sections in One surgery! Scary!

But, why didn't the Dr. in IL ever tell me any of this??? I am just so sick of incompetent DR'S! So, it was such a great thing to be able to sit down with a really nice and caring Dr today and talk about these health concerns.

SO...I have two sonograms scheduled...one for my fibroid and one for my left breast. He found a bump on my left Breast...and thinks it's just a blocked duct...but, wants to check it out further. And...he wants me to follow up with my Primary Dr about a few other things...and I may need to have that wretched Colonoscopy done, as well... UGH!

So...now I'm done talking about all my invasive gross exams and such...

It's just really nice to have someone caring for me that actually seems to care! You know???

Running Ragged...

Lately I've been feeling so tired! I feel like I'm on the go constantly! Don't get me wrong...I love doing the Mom's Group and spending the much needed quality time with my family. BUT...I'm not doing so great with my job...and what I mean by that is that I just don't like it anymore and I'm so burnt out on it. I need a change...for the better.

Today my supervisor called and asked if I could work another shift...when they know that I can't and that I won't compromise another inch of my schedule. I've already compromised by working an overnight that I don't really want to work...but we really need money, so I kind of have to. I'm going down to working only Mondays (all day), and an overnight...and then now they call and ask if once a month I could work another shift...the answer would be: NO!

I need to find a place who can accept that I want to be at home with my son instead of trying to run me ragged and con me into working other shifts that I cannot and will not work. I have told them that I'm tired and burnt out and that the only reason I'm staying at all is that they are short staffed...but, that doesn't mean that I should be taken advantage of!!! I'm just tired of the crap!

On another note, however, I'm so very thankful that in August I will be working less and that I will be able to do more with my son and with my Mom's group that I've come to love so dearly! I'm blessed that at least they have agreed to let me work this schedule so that I can spend less time there and more time here...at home!

Well...my vent session is over now!
See ya's!

New Van...

Mark, Sam and I have been searching for a new vehicle for a little while now...not too terribly long. But, we were so lucky to have found a wonderful deal! Thank YOU, LORD!

We found a 2003 Kia Sedona with only 68k and purchased it for $8,900! Our payments...with an extended 2 year warranty and Gap insurance will only be $241/month, and doesn't actually start until September! We put $500 down since that's really all we could do at this point, but needed to get something soon since our car isn't doing so hot.

YES...we know that vans aren't the best on gas...and gas is high these days...however, I filled the tank up, since it was actually on empty, today and it was $69 bucks! Which, is only 10-15 dollars more than we pay in our car per fill up...so, really, it's not that bad!
We really do think that we got a wonderful deal and we are blessed to have had this awesome chance and the means to do it!

That is our HUGE news this time around!

Feeling Like CRAP!

Why do creditors make you feel like crap???

I just phoned a creditor back, not even knowing who it was that was trying to call me. It was for a Medical Bill from when I took Samuel to the hospital back in October. Why in the world are they calling me???? I had made payments to the Dr. and the Hospital!!!!

And yet...they have a way of making me feel dumb, incompitent, and SO STUPID! I feel like Crap! I am Literally Shaking and have literally cried real tears over this phone call! I feel like I'm some horrible person...when truth be told...I'm not. I'm so sure that the person I talked to has probably missed a bill or two a time or two, as well...so, why do they make you feel like crap to the point of shaking and crying???

I am so UPSET! I just had to get it out! I hate CREDITORS! And...I'm really sure that I'm not the only one in this same boat!

So many Americans are in default of something! So many Americans get called on a daily basis just as I have for something so minuit as a bill that's $212.00! But...why do they make you feel like you are the WORST person alive?????????

I feel ashamed or something...like I've done harm to someone or something...and I haven't! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

I am for sure SO SICK of Being Broke all the time. However, if being Broke all the time means that I get to be with my son more...then SO BE IT! I value my time with him...and I WILL NOT SACRIFICE time away from him just to work some LAME FULL TIME JOB! I am NOT a Workoholic, like some people are...well, I am if I truly LOVE the job...and that hasn't happened since my Internship in ST Louis! So...

I will go down to one or two days a week of work...because I love my son, and I truly want to be with him and spend as much time with him as possible while he's still old enough to hold in my arms! So...if creditors want to call me because I'm broke and can't make the full amount of payment...then SO be it...but, I will NOT feel badly about it anymore!!!!!!!!!!!

Anyhow...that's my ventsession...I'm out!

Please Read...

I've been searching for my life's purpose lately...and from a few simple words from my mom and a few others...I've discovered a list of Life's Purposes for myself. They are as Follows:

-To be the BEST wife possible!...to love my husband so very much, despite his flaws.
-To be the BEST mom possible!...to love my son so unconditionally, just as you do my mom loved me.
-To Seek God the Father daily...because I feel as though I've left HIM behind somewhere and I miss HIM so MUCH!
-To be a loving daughter, daughter-in-law, sister, sister-in-law! Even though I live so far away from everyone...there is NO reason I can't still be there for my WONDERFUL family!
-To be the BEST Mom's Group Leader that I know how! These women really TRULY need me and I need them! And I am so blessed that God gave this to me and so very blessed to be able to reach so many people in one group!
-To love my church family as much as humanly possible, because they are all the extended family that we have out here...and they are such wonderful people to lean on!
-To love my co-workers and my bosses as much as one can! Even though they are just co-workers...they are people, too and God loves them and so should I! (By this, I mean, inviting them to dinner outside of work and such!)
-To love all people just as GOD loves them...to not judge ANYONE! And to help them help themselves as much as one person can do.-To volunteer my time to a Social Service Company so that I am doing something for my community!

So, here is my life purpose! I sure hope that it inspires someone! Blessings to all!
Amy

Random Things that have happened lately!

Bunko Night was Monday night:
It was a fun time...and I hosted it at The Holgate's home since we don't have enough space to accomodate 12 adults! Um...I'm pretty sure that I drank WAY too much wine! That's never a good thing when you have to call your husband over and you only have ONE Car, and you drove that car. Luckily Ryan Holgate and the kids were at our apartment and were able to bring Mark over. Supposedly Cristel asked me to go to Improv Drop in class and I said that I would...and Improv was on Wednesday night.

Improv Drop In Class...
Oh my goodness...I seriously almost Pooped My Pants when first arriving and seeing how many people were in attendance! There were at least 30 people there! I HAD NO CLUE WHAT TO EXPECT! I seriously was physically ill to my stomach! But, I made it through it and had SO much fun! I'm so glad that I went and that Cristel went with me. The teacher at the end of the night asked me to join one of her classes...too bad the classes are $150.00/an 8 week once a week class! But, I may go back to the monthly drop in class...we shall see!

Mark and I had a Night ALONE:
Our night alone consisted of driving around searching for a restaurant we both agreed on and then finally settling on Old Country Buffet! And since this restaurant is in the Mall we went to Target afterwards, where Mark and I separated and I went and Tried on at least 12 items...and the item limit is 6 at target! I didn't even buy anything except a gift for my Secret Sister at church! Then we came home and watched the WORST movie known to man...The Mist!! OH I HATE THAT MOVIE!!!!!!!!! What a fun evening...um, we need to get out more!

And then...Friday Night was Mom's Night Out with my Mom's Meetup Group:
And it was a fun, fun night! Previously in the day I went to search for an outfit or a shirt because recently I've noticed my wardrobe SUCKS! I wear the same old crap over and over again and I'm so bored with it. So, while in search of something to wear for the night...I found two great shirts and a really cool dress!!! Oh...but, I was Completely LATE for my Mom's night out...but, I'm pretty sure I wasn't the only one. We ate at a Mexican Restaurant and then went to Poppy's (spelling I'm not so sure about!) afterwards. And...I didn't even drink too much! YAY for that...and I had a wonderful time with the ladies! They are so much fun! This makes Starting this group even more worth while...I feel like I can be myself with these gals and not be judged! They are my rock!!!

And...Finally Today was Father's Day:
What a wonderful day it was, too! We went to church and Mark sang in the Worship Team. Then Paul gave a great message! After church we came home and I frantically fixed two pans of food for we are going on a Picnic! We got there late, of course...but...we spent the whole day with friends...great friends! Funny story...Sarah in our Mom's group is married to someone Mark works with. We got together today and had a BBQ at Lake Padden! It was so much fun...and I'm pretty sure I haven't had this much sun is a REALLY long time!!! We had Steak, Potato Salad, Baked Beans, Pea Salad, Chips and Salsa, and Banana Split Cake! Quite the spread! And we were out there from 2:45p-8:30pm and it was sunny when we left! Ryan and his kiddos were there, too and seemed to have a pretty fun time. And then Paul stopped by, too and had a great time, too! Sarah and her family said that they may come to church sometime! And...that would give us all the more reason to get this Small group started for 30-40's Married Couples! We've been talking about it now for some time and I think it's TIME to get it going!

Anyhow...that's my randomness for this week! Enjoy!

WOW...last post was April 15th...

I need to UPDATE...

#1: Samuel and I visited IL in May.
We flew to Illinois May 1st. The flight was GRAND! Samuel had a few minor little problems...but, overall did very well! Our trip was really fun. We got to spend lots and lots of time with Family, and I even got a few nights out with friends...which, was great! However, I didn't get much time by myself. This was supposed to be a "Vacation" of sorts...of which, was really not all that "Vacationish!!" But, don't get me wrong...I really did enjoy my time with my family. We have some great pics from the trip, too! I love pictures! Samuel and I recently even put him a little Family Picture book together so that he doesn't forget his family every time he goes back! OH...then the Flight back WAS HORRIBLE! Samuel screamed and cried the entire flight up until the very last 15 minutes where he finally decided to go to sleep! Then we land...and then I have to wake him up! UGH! But, luckily his sleep schedule wasn't off that bad due to the time change.

#2: Work!
I've decided to quit my job at the end of July. This decision comes from the fact that we don't pay for child care now, but the Beginning of August we will have to start paying for it. Our sitter now is our wonderful friend from church. They have two kiddo's themselves and they will start homeschooling in September, but their family will be visiting the whole month of August...which means that I will be resigning the end of July.

I will just tell you this much about my job: I really am burnt out anyway, so, it's really not that big of a deal to me that I will be resigning. I work with DD Adults advocating for them...but, if you've been in this industry for a while you tend to get a little frustrated, stressed and loose interest in it. And, as of right now, I've worked with this population of people for over 5 years. I'm tired of it and need a change. That's not to say that I don't still love this population of people. Eventually maybe I will get back into it again. But, as of July I am through for a while, unless for some reason my boss tries to talk me into to staying at least one day a week...then, even then, I would have to really think about it!

#3: Another future Baby:
So, yes...as I'm sure that you all know by now...Mark and I will be starting again soon to try for Baby #2. When I was in Illinois, I was able to obtain my Medical Records from the OB and the Hospital. That's a start in the process. We also have medical insurance now, too! That's another start. Now, we are still looking for a Dr. who will take me without already being pregnant. So, yes, we are working on it, but, first and foremost I want to be healthy! So, that means that I need to be checked out before getting pregnant. As many know, I have a Fibroid Tumor and the tumor grew (in my records it says it was 8cm in Diameter when I had Samuel) while I was pregnant. I was in and out of the hospital several times when pregnant with Samuel due to premature labor and could have lost Samuel. I even had to have a C-Section with him because the tumor was blocking Samuel from dropping like a normal pregnancy would allow for...it was that big.

So, for all of those who have been asking about when we will be having our second child...please stop! We are taking our time...we want to be thorough! We don't want to rush this. Another child will come along in God's timing. So, for the time being...we are enjoying our wonderful 20 month old Samuel! He walks, almost talks, and gets into EVERYTHING he's not supposed to!! He's our little miracle child! We do hope to have more...at least before Samuel turns 3...so, stop worrying about it...it will happen when God says it will happen!

#4: Last but, not Least: My Mom's Group:
Our Mom's Group is Going Tremendously well! I need to explain a little bit about it! The group is on Meetup.com...however, not just anyone can sign up for it. Whoever would like to know more info about it needs to click on the "Contact Organizer" link and ask to join...we will more than likely accept you into membership...as long as you either have children or grandchildren of whom you watch day to day. We ask that you post a picture of you and your child so that we know who to expect when we have events...instead of going into it blindly! There are some members who have recently been deleted from the group due to inactivity...so, please make sure that you stay an active part of the group! We don't want to delete you! We do charge $12/year! The fee is for the Meetup site itself, which is $72/6months. It's also for drinks, and paper products, and other supplies such as when we have recipe exhanges we hand out folders so that everyone has a place to put their favorite recipes! It also can cover the costs of any rentals that we may rent in the summer, such as pavilions and such!

I'm only explaining all of this because whoever, if anyone, reads this that is doesn't know me or anything about the group can go and find out. And...for those who do know that we have a group, but don't know much about it...they can also read and understand how it all works.

The group, as far as events go, is going great! We've been having a Weekly Playdate every Tuesday. We have in-home playdates at least once or twice a month. We also have a really Fun Mom's Night Out at least once a month. I've been having such a blast with this group and I'm really hoping that everyone else has, too!

Well...that's my update! Hope all is well in your neck of the woods!!!
Many Blessings to whoever reads this!

Passions...

I really just want to write and make my passions known...and there isn't a better place for that than this. So here goes nothing...

My number one passion is God and following after HIS OWN HEART!
Second place is definitely my family (that is my immediate family!)
3. My extended family
AND Friends!!!! Without these people in my life, I would be nothing. They have molded and shaped and helped me grow into the person I am today and I love them dearly and Passionately!
4. My Mom's Group
5. My College Group...although, it doesn't always seem that way...I feel as though I am always way too busy for it...not to say that I am too busy to take time out and spend with the great College kids we have...but, it's just hard to always plan things when everyone's schedules are different and hectic.
6. My Church: I LOVE CHURCH! And, I specifically LOVE our church. It's really great because we know everyone and they know us and our story. They have prayed for us and continue to. They love us unconditionally, just as churches and Christians should!


And...although I have these passions in my life...I feel like there is SO much more that I could be doing. I want to do as much as I possibly can while living my life on this earth. I want to help as many people as time will allow and touch so many lives that God puts in front of me!

If I died tonight...who would I have made my mark upon? That is the question in my mind ALWAYS! So...who would you have made your mark upon? Think about it...have you done as much as you can to help others and not put them down...but, BRING THEM UP?

There must be more out there that I can do! There must BE! I want to live my life to the fullest for GOD! Do YOU? I challenge all who read this to think of something SPECIFIC that they can do to make an impact on the world in which they live! I also challenge myself!

Be Blessed!

"Even the weakest saint can experience the power of the deity of the Son of God, when he is willing to "let go." But any effort to "hang on" to the least bit of our own power will only diminish the life of Jesus in us. We have to keep letting go, and slowly, but surely, the great full life of God will invade us, penetrating every part. Then Jesus will have complete and effective dominion in us, and people will take notice that we have been with Him."- My Utmost For His Highest!!

I really needed to read these words today. I have been struggling internally for a long time with my spirituality! I haven't 'Let Go' of so many things and I need to! I don't want to keep hanging on to these things. I want the 'life of Jesus' to come in and take over.

Please pray that I can do this! Like above says, I have to 'keep letting go, and slowly, but surely, the great full life of God will invade' me! It will take time. That's the thing...people just think that this happens overnight. It truly doesn't...and it will take time.

I can't share all of my struggles in a blog...but, I will share this. I struggle with Christians! I struggle with the mask that "Christians" put on. I don't want to be that kind of Christian!!!!! I want to be a TRUE NON-HYPOCRITICAL Christian. Someone who loves, no matter who the person is, no matter what they have done and no matter what they are doing now! I want to show the LOVE of Christ to others by being who GOD created me to be and who He continues to make me! I want to not have that mask on that so many other Christians have on! I don't want to be judgemental and critical of others. God meets people where they are, and I truly believe that's what we should be doing, as well!

Lord, Please help me!
Amen!

PHONE....

For the past few MONTHS my phone has died continuously!!! It has been so frustrating. I found out that many other people who have this phone, the phone died on them, as well!

I FINALLY ordered a charger and new battery for my phone, and it's AMAZING...it actually stays charged and works now.

Sorry to bore you with this small little detail in my life...but, I am so excited now that I can actually have a conversation with someone for more than 5 minutes without my phone dying on my!!!! YAY!!

HAVE A GREAT DAY now that you know this...hehe!

Work...

Today is a great day at work. Finally, a great day! Mostly because I'm doing other things rather than just sitting with my client and doing nothing. I'm working on paperwork, on budgets, and helping others with taking their meds. I like this part of my job. I don't like being bored.

I have always felt in this job of mine, that, yes, it's a blessing...but, in another way...it's time spent away from my beautiful toddler boy! If I'm going to work, it needs to be worth my while...not boredom! Does anyone hear me on this?

Well, in the fall, I am going to be quitting. It's either quit and work in the home by either watching other's kiddos or work from home doing other things...but, our sitter will be homeschooling her kiddos, and won't be able to watch Samuel any longer.

I'm okay with this...not sure that our budget will be...but, Mark has a really good full time job with benefits, and I can find work from home! I just don't want to have to pay for childcare if at all possible! On top of paying for Childcare, I would be paying A LOT for gasoline, as it's A HUGE amount in our budget right now as it is! So, I would rather stay at home with Samuel, watch him grow up and possibly work on having more kiddos...all while working from home doing something worth while.

I have often thought about going back to school, as well! UGH...I'm not sure about this, but, it may improve my career in the future. I've always dreamed about teaching GED/ABE to those less fortunate! We'll see! I'll keep you all updated!

Becoming more of a Toddler...

Today I noticed my little baby boy looking more and more like a little boy and thus becoming the toddler that he really is, as he is now 18 months as of yesterday!!! I can't believe that he's that old already!!! I look at him and still remember him being in my belly and feeling him move around and being so very anxious to get to meet this little boy we call Samuel. Then when he finally arrived, I just couldn't believe it!! He was in our arms and no one could take him away from us!!!!!! I kept feeling like they would, though...because being a new parent is really such a surreal thing. But, he was here finally after all the struggles that I went through with premature labor and my fibroid growing and not letting him drop like per normal. And, then during my C-section...I was allergic to the medication they gave me and had HORRIBLE reactions to it and was in recovery for much longer than I should have been.

We are so very blessed to have our little toddler! He is SUCH an AMAZING little Boy!!! We both love him SO VERY MUCH! God has blessed us so much!

Above is a picture I took with my phone today of him Sleeping on the bedroom floor. He was supposed to be in his bed (toddler bed) taking a nap. He's so adorable. And, I'm not Biased at all!!!!

Blessings to you all!!!

Grace is Sufficient...

WOW have I been Selfish! I am constantly feeling sorry for myself, or wishing that I had this or that or a new car or that we had the money to purchase an actual home. I am such an idiot for thinking these things.

I have been way too selfish...not only for thinking about these things, but for also not putting God first in my life! I have been going along and living this mundane, day to day life, but God has not been in it at all...and I am VERY sorry for that. I don't know what the deal is with me lately...I haven't really even talked to God in a long time. I am busy...but, that is NO EXCUSE! I am sick and tired of playing the Excuse card all the time...there is No Excuse when it comes to Not spending time with God.

I want a relationship with GOD so badly that it hurts...I used to have this FANTASTIC relationship with him. I used to read my Bible every day, journal, pray, do devotions, and go to church and spend time with others doing Bible Studies...and get so much out of it. What has happened to that relationship? Where has it gone? I know that it is my fault! I know that! I am confessing that right now! God has been truly wonderful to me and my family and I have turned my back on him. WOW! I am such an IDIOT!

Please God, Forgive me for this! Help me right now to turn Towards YOU! Help me to let you back in and Keep you here in my heart! I've gone away for WAY TOO Long...and I want to come back! Please Take me Back!!!
Amen!

Planning...

Well...this has been a fun, fun week! I've played Bunco with my gals on Monday. Tuesday we watched the Holgate's kiddos while they went to Improv class. Wednesday we were going to have College group...but, instead we cancelled it due to lots of finals for the College kids. But, Mark and I cleaned house that night. I stayed up til 4am cleaning and then had a playgroup here the next morning at 10:30am. I made the BEST Cinnamon Raisin Scones, too!

Thursday was the playgroup. Then in the evening Mark went to the Men's Bible Study at church. Friday was work, then I went out for our Mom's Night Out! It was a BLAST! We ate Mexican food and went Bowling! Saturday was also work, then we went over to the Holgate's and watched TIVO'd Survivor and then like 3 or 4 episodes of LOST, of the second season. We are trying to catch up to the show now...but, we are going slowly.

Today, Sunday, Mark had to work because one of his co-workers quit. So, he now has to work every other Sunday until they find a replacement...who knows how long that could take!

Oh my...I am saying all of this to say...we need to SLOW DOWN! I am really tired today...and have been the whole past month. I'm tired of doing EVERYTHING for everyone and not having a week to do stuff for our family! I really don't want to complain, I love helping people and I love leading the groups that I do...but, it wears me out!

So, the title says Planning! I am planning to try to start to calm my life down a little bit! I am planning on not doing as much, and taking it easy more...and not getting stressed out about every little detail of life! Life is WAY TOO Short to do that. I am planning on living life to the fullest, but, also ENJOYING every moment of it!

In May, Samuel and I will be headed to Illinois again for a well needed R&R trip to spend with family. While there...I plan to take it easy AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE. I don't want to run around and do everything my family expects me to do while there. This will be a trip of Relaxation...not of Stress! If you are one of my friends from home reading this, please don't take offense. I just need to relax, and take it easy this trip and not plan anything while I'm there or for while I will be there! This is a trip solely for the purpose of spending time with family. And for Samuel to spend time with all of his family he doesn't normally get to see. I love you all...but, these is my plans!

As for an update on our family...we are well. Tired, but well. We are going to start having more Family time together and begin taking more walks together, as well as eating a our kitchen table for meals, instead of in front of the TV. Mark and I will be intentionally be spending more quality time together, too. We feel like, yes, we have a child and plan on having more soon, but our marriage comes first. It will be the only thing that we will have left after our kids grow up and move out...so, we need to start getting to know each other even more now. Plus, we need to be a good example of how parents should get along and how parents should love each other for our kids, so as when they grow up they will know true love and how to show your love to another person.

I've ranted way too much now. I hope that this blog finds everyone reading it doing well!

Blessings from our home to yours!

WALKING...

Another week has gone by, maybe two and we haven't posted anything else yet. But, we have an announcement to make...

Samuel is WALKING now! Yesterday he took his very first "real" steps at church in front of so many important people in our lives. They all had their cameras out, I'm sure we will get some pictures at some point for this. Today Samuel took 15-16 steps. He thinks it's a game now...it's really fun to him...and we praise him continuously about it. I am so excited for him! He's growing up right before my eyes!!!

I have to say right this instant that LIFE is great! I think that it is just so important that we have such a great congregation of people in our church that are going to see all of Samuel's milestones, too. I feel that everyone should have this, especially if they don't live near their families, then, at least they have extended family of sorts. God's family! We are truly blessed. You know, I also think that even if you do have family near by, there is NOTHING like a great and true church family who can help raise your little one with you. Man are we blessed!

I also wanted to update everyone on my job situation. I just had my 6 month evaluation (which was actually at 10 months) and it went terrific! I got sooo many great comments from my peers and from my boss. And, since I work with a truly difficult client, and that no one else can handle him as well as I can, they gave me a .50 cent raise...which is .25 more than what they are supposed to give me. I now make more than Mark does, once again. He is very okay with this, though...he always has been. My current wage: $11.25. This is more than I've ever made in my life. I also talked to my boss's about a schedule change/client change...etc. They are SOOOO willing to work with me and this week I'm getting off early in the day so that I can see some daylight. I'll be getting off work by 4:30pm now...YAY! I don't have to stay til 6pm. In two weeks I will be going to only working 3 days a week, too. I am just so thrilled that this is going to happen and that my boss's really like me that they are willing to make this happen. Even if I'm making this much money, I still only want to work 3 days a week so that I can be with Samuel more. I love that boy so much, and want to see even more of his Milestone's!

We are blessed! Read this and be blessed!!

US!

Here we are in Washington more than a year from the time we moved from Illinois. What have we accomplished? Well, I hope that we have accomplished a lot...let's see:

I started a Mom's Group that has grown from me to 96 since May! That's a great thing! We have meetups regularly and I have gained MANY friends through this process! We are a wonderful group of people with the same thing in common...our kids! It's not a "Christian Group" persay, but, it's a group that I hope to gain friends and begin to get close enough to them that maybe one day they might know the love of Christ because I have led them to HIM. I also hope that they see this in me through this group. I randomly started this group because I was bored, but it has grown and God has surely Blessed it.

Next, we have a College Group that we lead. They are a fun group of kids. Sometimes it seems as though I know nothing about leading these kids, though. Yes, I have been in college, and yes I know the struggles they have gone through...but, it was different for me because I was Married and was pregnant by the time I graduated. The girls in the group are wonderful, though! They treat me as though I am one of them, and I absolutely love it! We have a girls night out at least once a month and it's so much fun! The last one we had was eating at Applebee's, hanging out at one of there places before the movie (at 10:20pm) and then watching 27dresses! There were 8-10 of us! This group has grown leaps and bounds, but there is no spiritual aspect of the group whatsoever...which is concerning to me. I really want to be able to fit something like that in, but it just doesn't feel right doing it. We definitely have a ways to go with this group, but we are on our way. This group needs lots of prayer!

I sell Pampered Chef, and I work 4 days a week at a 'normal' job, although it's not really normal! I am an Advocate for a Developmentally Disabled Adult. I am at odds with the job right now, as if it really bumbing me out. Yes, I know that I'm blessed because I am working and get really good pay and great bonuses, but, the job itself does not make me happy. I want to want to go to work, you know? But, as of now, I don't really ever want to go to work. There is more to this story than meets the eye...but, that's for another blog at another date! Pampered Chef is a good way to earn extra income, except I don't have time to do as much of it as I would like to. And to be honest, I really truly only started selling it to get the free products...because I LOVE THEM!

Mark works for Lowe's still! BUT, he does really enjoy his job, which is excellent! He's never really had a job that he's enjoyed before...besides that of working at camps and things of that sort. He drives now for Lowe's Delivery, so he's been promoted since moving here over a year ago! YAY for him. He now makes more an hour than I do, which is fantastic.

I struggle with wanting to be at home with Samuel full time, but then I think about what I would do for income. By the way, Samuel is so Amazing! He still cannot walk on his own, but he knows how...he's just afraid of it. He gets into anything and everything. He has lots of teeth in that very cute little mouth of his. He's gotten three molars already! OUCH! He's very onry, but loves his mommy and daddy more than anything else! He loves books and will actually sit through a Dr. Suess book, which really at this stage is not normal! He loves getting out of his little toddler bed and crawling over to ours and then throwing his paci at us to wake us up in the morning! That is his favorite thing to do! He's just such an amazing little creature that God has blessed us with! No wonder I struggle with wanting to quit and stay at home with him full time!

Mark and I will soon be working on our second child! We are waiting for our insurance cards to come in the mail, and then I will be going to the Doctor for a full physical before I go to an OBGYN. It is important that I do so, since I haven't been to a Dr. since before Samuel was born. And, if any of you know that story, I need to get the okay from an OBGYN also, because 1. I had a C-section and 2. I had a fibroid tumor that they DID NOT take out. We just really want this to be a safe and healthy pregnancy this time around due to almost losing Samuel at 22 weeks last time around!

We would appreciate any prayers that you could send our way! We would love that so much! Pray for God's direction in our lives and in the lives of those we serve and in the Life of our Church we serve! Look for more blogs on our progress and possibly pics in the future! I may blog once a week or so! Blessings to all who actually read a part of this or who are courageous enough to get through the whole thing!